A few months ago, I had written a short, non-sensical poem of sorts to recap the entire year of 2023, which you can read here. In it, I had written the words, “learning: when i lose hope / hope again,” not knowing that it would be a theme for me during a young adult retreat that I went to in March of this year.
The entire theme of the retreat was “Waiting on HaShem,” and it was interesting because it applied to the group in different ways, I thought. Some were just entering a season of waiting, some were right in the midst of it, and some were about to exit their season of waiting. I felt that I had fallen into that last category: leaving or about to leave my long season of waiting.
Waiting isn’t all bad. God moves in the waiting. Waiting is hard, but being out of the will of God is harder. I’d choose to wait with the Lord than move forward without Him.
During this time, the phrase, “When you lose hope, hope again,” came to mind in light of waiting for marriage. Waiting for a husband. Waiting to be a wife, a mom. Just a long season of … waiting.
If you know me, you know I never dated around, never dated for that matter. I chose to wait on the Lord in this aspect of my life, yet I knew the promises He had given me: that one day I would be a wife, a mother to kiddos; one day, it would come.
Would it, though?
At the time of the retreat, I had gone through a couple months of purely just giving up. In January, I had completely given up the idea that I’d meet someone or that those I knew could be potential matches. But, I’ve learned since that I can’t hope in potential. It’s just that: potential. Potentially, I’ll get married; potentially this is the right guy. Potential.
When I gave up potential, God walked me through a period of hope. Because I had surrendered all possibilities and potential and hypothetical ideas and situations regarding marriage in particular, I had also given up hope.
I began to doubt if that’s really what God has for me. Or, was it just a big dream of mine that I needed to let go of? Was my dream breaking, or did God really have something in store for me? I felt discouraged and hopeless.
There was a week in February, right before I did a wedding photoshoot, that I went through the emotions of letting go, surrender, of allowing the Lord to heal my heart, my mind, and coming to a place—truly coming to a place—of acceptance. Accepting that my life is my life. But it’s first the Lord’s.
When I learned that, accepted it, and began to believe it, the Lord brought to me Samuel—but, I believe I had to go through that process with Him, that process of saying, “OK, Lord, my life is Yours. Do with it as You will.”
Going back to the retreat in March, I was at peace with myself, with the Lord, and with the way my life was going. I had time to serve, to pour into others, to receive from others. I was content, yet in expectant hope because the Lord refilled my cup, my heart, my soul with more of Him. In that, I realized anew how putting my hope in the Lord is really the best place to anchor myself in. He and He alone is the One who satisfies; He is the One who fulfills desires and dreams; He is the One who gives hope.
This recurring theme of hope is one that I pray others will come to know, too. Placing my hope in the Lord will never disappoint, because He is a good Father who gives good gifts in His good timing. He is good!
Let hope arise; but let it also rest in Yeshua.
Because of this renewed hope, I felt that my season of waiting was coming to an end. The weekend of the retreat was the weekend after my very first date ever and it was with Samuel. And maybe because we had been talking for a week and a half by that point, or maybe because I went on the date knowing the Lord wanted me to, or maybe because things were exciting and going well with Samuel, but I sensed that this waiting chapter was almost over.
And, I was right. Because I had been praying about Samuel since basically the day I met him, and I had heard from God in regards to whether or not I should continue to be interested in him, I had the Lord’s peace accepting the date. I didn’t want to waste my time or his, and if this was something that wasn’t from the Lord, I had prayed that interest would cease and that nothing would come of it. That we would be just friends, if that’s what the Lord wanted. But alas, He instead gave me peace about moving forward with Samuel, and here we are, happily together four months later. And although a lot has happened in such a short time, I know and trust the Lord’s guidance and leading of me, as well as of Samuel. I’ll share more of us in future posts. 🙂
The Lord is so good and so faithful, and when I trust in Him, no matter what happens, I cannot be disappointed because of Him. Sure, other disappointments may arise or hurt or other pain, but it’s never because of the Lord. And that, my friends, is a beautiful thing to hold onto.
When you lose hope, hope again, friends. Be blessed.
“Adonai is good to those who wait for Him, to the soul that seeks Him.” —Lamentations 3:25, TLV
Truly Loved + Wholly Surrendered 
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