Truly Loved + Wholly Surrendered

some things i’ve learned thus far:

• my spouse is not responsible for my spiritual journey || even though, yes, my husband is the leader and sets the tone for how we worship, what we discuss, and what we learn, the relationship i have with God is still my responsibility. i am to ensure that i’m actively doing my part to read His Word, worship, pray, and have community with others. my husband is very knowledgeable in the things of the Bible and spiritual matters, for which i am incredibly thankful, however, our relationship with God is still a personal, one-on-one type of relationship, like it was before we even met. my growth and walk is not contingent on just what i learn and hear from my spouse. it is contingent on me taking time to spend with God – and then talking about it with my husband allows room for discussion, growth, prayer, and encouragement.
• communicating about small things really helps || the small, mundane, day-to-day things that seem almost pointless to bring up or mention actually needs to be brought up. if i can’t talk about the small things, how will i be comfortable talking about the big things? and honestly, this one kind of surprised me because i had thought that if we talk about the big things and only the big things, then we’re on the same page, right? no. talking about the small things, like, ‘honey, the dishwasher is clean right now,’ or, ‘my love, i already checked the mail,’ makes it easier to talk about the big things. when Samuel and i are constantly in communication, both big and small topics don’t seem as difficult to discuss. when a small things, like the dishes, haven’t been communicated, the practice of communication as a whole gets lost, which makes it that much harder to begin to talk about the things that really matter. talk always, constantly, and about everything – it really does make a world of a difference.
• forgiving quickly unifies and strengthens || when we trust in Yeshua and believe that He saved us from our sins, all our sins are then forgiven. right then and there. erased in God’s mind. no longer a thing that God remembers. a thing of the past. so, when i find myself needing to repent, i seek the Lord and He forgives … immediately. why do we not do this with one another? i’ve learned that it’s required if we are to emulate the life of Messiah. forgive, even before the other person has sought forgiveness – it frees you and when they do apologize, both are able to move on that much more quickly. grace upon grace. forgiveness truly is a gift, use it.
• encouragement and prayer does wonders || i’ve been reading the power of a praying wife (thank you to the friend who gave it to me!), and wow, does it work. prayer is to be used as a tool, not a weapon. this might sound harsh, but praying for the Lord to make someone do something or not do something is not necessarily praying in love. praying for the Lord to help someone continue to grow into who He has created them to be is powerful. i am not out to change my husband, but i should be out to encourage him and pray for him (and with him), that the Lord will do His work in him, while focusing on my own growth in my own walk with Him. when i focus on the things i need to work on, encouragement comes easier. pray for the Lord to work and move, lift up the heart to the Lord, and the outward actions will change as God works. He is faithful and will never fail me.
• failure happens, dwelling on it is a choice || i set myself this standard and dream that i’ll get everything right and know how to do the things a wife should do when i get married. well, i got married and still didn’t know everything. i would try a new recipe and something would get burned. my dream shattered. it sounds dumb, but i’d say every good woman wants to be a great wife to her husband, so failing at something really sucks, sometimes. i’ve had to learn that it’s okay to fail, but it’s not okay to dwell on it, beat myself up over it, and be sad about it for hours. accepting correction and guidance in the midst of failing is also okay, and sometimes, needed. oh, how i didn’t want to need that, but i did, and still do. dwelling on failure doesn’t result in progress, accepting that failure happens and changing something to make it better the next time does.
• becoming one flesh is a beautiful thing || i was talking to a friend about marriage shortly after my wedding and she asked how i felt about being intimate, and i realized that it’s not another “layer” of understanding or being known or seen that happens. for me, it was like the completion of the circle of unity: spiritual, mental, emotional, physical. a picture of a ring came to mind, and how we both waited and that physical step closed the ring – and that’s a beautiful thing, especially when done the way God designed it. He really does redeem and restore past brokenness and hardship and blesses the union that He has brought together. when we go to class on sundays, we have our name tags, and Samuel jokingly gave me his name tag, and i was like, “that’s not my name,” and he said, “well, we are one flesh, so it shouldn’t matter.” it was such a small thing and a small moment, but it really got me to thinking that when we became one, i am the end of him and he is the end of me. when we go out into the world, we are proclaiming our unity because we are unified in all things, in all areas, and our union makes us one – just like we are one with the Lord. and that’s a beautiful thing.
• my feelings might be valid, but the thought behind it might be a lie || now, don’t get me wrong – this isn’t some woke statement of “but my feelings matter” blah blah blah. this is a realization that Samuel has pointed me to in that yes, i feel the feelings i have, and i can’t always control what emotion i feel, however sometimes the way i feel about something is actually coming from a lie that i had thought or an assumption i reserved in my mind. remember, communicate about everything? well, when I don’t do that, i very quickly get a thought that either he won’t understand me or he does understand me and doesn’t care or i’m not able to communicate in the way that will help him understand or i can’t understand him. all of these are lies. so the feelings or emotions i feel aren’t always based on what’s true. if i transform my mind by renewing it like the Bible says, then i am less likely to succumb to certain emotions that aren’t even relevant to the situation i’m in. God gave us emotions – both men and women feel things – and at the same time, feelings are not facts and never will be facts because they come and go while truth remains. and what is true is what we should be thinking about anyway, as exhorted in the book of Philippians. in this culture where everything is becoming more and more based on “feelings” and “your truth” is actually taking away the space for Biblical truth to prevail and we end up in a cycle of circulating lies in our society today. i’ve learned that i don’t want that in my marriage, so i’ve had to humbly allow the Lord to work on my heart and change my thoughts and learn to be more receptive to the truth of His Word.

i realize and acknowledge i don’t have much room to talk about marriage just yet, but growth and learning never stops, regardless of how long i’ve been doing something. when i focus on the Lord, the natural outcome will be growth because the Lord’s wisdom and knowledge is infinitely far beyond anyone can ever think. it’s by His grace that He’s brought me this far and has shown me the things i’ve learned and continue to learn. the wisdom of the Lord is not something to be intimidated by, it is something to thank Him for because everything He reveals and teaches is good and will be good for us as His children. it might be hard, but it’s still good because He is good.

i praise Him for giving me Samuel and for writing our story. i praise Him for continually teaching me and being patient with me and giving me the time i need to grow and thrive in His love – which, by the way, sometimes is seen through Samuel’s leadership, love, and care of me. what a beautiful design God has established: seeing His love and concern for me as His child through the gift of my spouse that He has given me. i can really see how God uses Samuel to reach me and i only pray i can do the same for him. it’s been a beautiful five months and i can’t wait to see what else the Lord has in store for us.

keep learning. keep growing. no matter what stage of life you’re in, the Lord always has something for you. trust in Him and know that He is a good Father to us. as always, be blessed, my friends.

“Two are better than one, because they get a good return for their effort. For if they fall, the one will lift up his companion. But oy to the one who falls and has no one to lift him up! Furthermore, if two lie together, then they will be warm. But how can one keep warm alone? Though a man might overpower one, two can stand against him. Moreover a threefold cord cannot be quickly broken.” || Ecclesiastes 4:9-12, TLV

“Love is patient, love is kind, it does not envy, it does not brag, it is not puffed up, it does not behave inappropriately, it does not seek its own way, it is not provoked, it keeps no account of wrong, it does not rejoice over injustice but rejoices in the truth; it bears all things, it hopes all things, it endures all things. Love never fails-” || 1 Corinthians 13:4-8, TLV