choosing appreciation over expectation
I’ve never really struggled with being unthankful to the degree that I have recently felt it in the last couple of weeks, and it’s a strange place to be in since I know that being thankful is a command of the Lord. And, ironically enough, Thanksgiving is a month away. Recently, we got together with my in-laws and brothers and sisters and we went around the circle sharing about the things we’re thankful for … and it was hard for me to even come up with the fact that I’m thankful for the fall colors that I am privileged to see here in the mountains.
People had all kinds of things to be thankful for that evening, and I was sitting there almost at a complete loss of what I should say. What am I thankful for?
Every now and then, my husband will ask me what I’m thankful for and usually I can rattle off a whole list of things; but the last time that happened, I struggled and told him so. He, in turn, listed off things for me and I realized how he was right. I had a lot of things to be thankful for and just didn’t see it in the moment. It made me realize that it’s okay to rely on someone when I’m struggling and it doesn’t change who I am or whose I am. I’m thankful for a husband that grounds me in the truth of God’s Word, always.
Then, later that night on the drive home, my husband asked me what is the Lord teaching me right now. And again, I didn’t really have words. He continued to gently help me unpack my thoughts and feelings—which ended up being something completely different—and by the end of the night, when we were already home, the Lord softly spoke to me of the topic of thankfulness: appreciation over expectation.
Oh, wow. Appreciate before I expect. Appreciation leads to thankfulness. The Bible says, “… but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God” (emphasis mine, taken from LEB). And then, Samuel said, “What if we tried that, even with each other?” “What, like be thankful along with the request?”
And so, we did—and I’m surprised by how much it changed my perspective. For example, along the lines of: “I appreciate you did this, and next time could you xyz?” “Thank you for this, and next time would you xyz?” If I can learn to be thankful for the things my spouse does for me, my friends, family, anyone, and make a request building on top of the appreciation, thankfulness then becomes more deeply rooted in my heart.
Imagine if we actually followed this structure with the Lord, too. “Thank You, Lord, for this blessing. I ask for xyz.” As the verse mentioned earlier says, “… let your requests be made known“ by … “supplication with thanksgiving“ (emphasis mine, taken from LEB). It’s good and well to have needs and desires, but it’s even more important to do it with a heart of appreciation or thankfulness. How much more thankful would we be for the things that we maybe didn’t expect to receive from the Lord? How much more would we be in tune with the way He’s working in our lives?
Expectation doesn’t allow room for thankfulness, because when I don’t get what I expected (either because I didn’t communicate my desires or it just didn’t go the way I expected), I get disappointed. And then, the mind begins to remember—or rather, the enemy begins to remind you—of all the other things that didn’t meet your expectations … even the things that I had moved on from and gotten over. Satan will still sneak in there and remind me of those things. But, when my husband and I talked about it, and the Lord revealed that to me, I realized in a new way how the choice is still mine. Will I dwell in my expectations or will I meditate on the blessings? The Lord is soft and gentle with His children and for that, I am so thankful.
It’s amazing to see how quickly the heart can change when I allow God to change it. It’s equally amazing how talking about things, even the hard and uncomfortable things, really helps solidify the choices I’m making. Because I want to be like Messiah, and through conversations I’ve seen how I can grow in Him, choosing thankfulness becomes easier, especially when I know I have the support and prayers of those I love surrounding me. I can choose to sit in my unthankfulness and wonder why it’s not getting better, or I can choose to share my heart and be vulnerable and allow the Lord to lead me to a better life. It’s this day-by-day journey that God uses to sanctify us—and for that, I am thankful.
And so now with Thanksgiving coming upon us, I have challenged myself to make a list of all the things I’m thankful for, but adding to the challenge to avoid listing the ones we’re all always thankful for: family, friends, a roof over our heads, our cars, etc. Not that I’m not thankful for those things—I very much am—but to begin to see the things the Lord is doing in small ways—and in big ways—in the day-to-day, in the mundane of life. Because, ultimately, this life is actually not mundane, but extraordinary because God has chosen to give us yet another day … and there really is much to be thankful for.
If you’d like, you can join me on this journey of thankfulness, and together, may we see more of God’s goodness in our daily walk with Him. Let’s find things to appreciate and be thankful, friends.
“Because of the mercies of Adonai we will not be consumed, for His compassions never fail. They are new every morning! Great is Your faithfulness.” || Lamentations 3:22-23, TLV
“Praise the God of heaven, for His lovingkindness endures forever!” || Psalm 136:26, TLV
Some songs:
Truly Loved + Wholly Surrendered 
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